You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
