he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
