i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
