thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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