well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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