he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
