Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
