Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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