Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
