I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
