omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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