At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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