I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
