She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
