so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
