Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
