Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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