You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
