is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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