I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
