that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
