I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
smell my finger.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
