So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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