pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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