I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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