remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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