I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
