My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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