True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
