You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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