nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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