when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
