My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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