if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
