I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
