I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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