capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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