Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
