brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize