We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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