Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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