If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
