Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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