come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
