Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
