im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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