it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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