i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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