True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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