hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
