Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
