Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
