Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
