I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
