Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
