a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
