this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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