I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize