I cut my penus on the lid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i think i just lost a toe
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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