my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Acid is not a monday night drug
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
