what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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