good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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