I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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