if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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