Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
