Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize