plz talk dirty to me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
