I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
