apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
