I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize