I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
