Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
