The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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