Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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