I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
send nudes
from the living room?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
