If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
