Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
