If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
