I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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