Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she smelled like a LAN party
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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