Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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