when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
