Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
