There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
home. puking in laundry basket.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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