Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
