Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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