What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
