we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
