Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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