what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
